Mar. 28th, 2010

lilkellyg: (Default)
Last night in the middle of my meltdown I had two people tell me they love me. S and JM

So the fuck what? Love is just a word, it doesn't put food on the table or help pay bills, it doesn't tuck you in at night, get medicine or you at the pharmacy when your kid is sick. Its just a well meaning feeling someone has towards you and without action behind it what is the point really?

N's father loves him. LOL

So yeah, I'm aggravated with all this 'poly' shit because at the end of the day it really is about fucking someone else that's all.

Life choices, helping and stuff...that stuff still goes according to the normal society constructed paradigms 99.999999999% of the time.

Of course S has always maintained that he's not poly, he's just in an open marriage, so that spells that out and his amorphous 'but that can change' shit is...really just shit.

The secondaries in their life are supposed to 'petition' for membership in THEIR family. Get over yourself. What about petitioning for membership in MY family, my son's and my life.

We're not serfs begging at your manor gate.

And how funny is it that I say this on the cusp of meeting her for the first time. It is odd, but its telling that I wasn't invited to come for that purpose EVER and that its basically me showing up on their door saying, 'hey there, nice to meet you, here's my son'. Always the secondary has to beg, grovel for permission and space in the sanctity of the established 'pair bond'.

And this is "MR NON_MONOGAMY" "MR evolved" as he likes to call himself and really he's doing nothing different, sitting in the comfort of his own relationship, insisting other's bend to him.

There's really nothing new nor as revolutionary about all of this as the 'cool poly people' like to claim.

What about begging the secondary to be in your life? What about if the couple is 'good enough' for for the secondary to bend their whole life around? The paradigm of 'come to me' suggests that you will get only a certain sort of person and when it doesn't work out...sheesh I wonder why.

So it doesn't feel great that I had to impose myself on S and LW, but I'm gonna do it. Maybe it will make my kid a reality for them in a way that otherwise he forgets about when he tells me to get a door he can breeze by on occasion.

....

And as for JM...

I'm gonna try not to be angry, try really hard, I know he thinks he loves me, his heart goes aflutter when he thinks about putting his dick in me

/rant

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