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[personal profile] lilkellyg
I was paid one of the nicest compliments at work. I was told I am fun to be around and that when I’m at work the entire energy of the room is lifted and improved.

I am honored by that, I hope it is true, I try to keep my energy light and positive. Lately I’ve been plagued and I know what it is and I’m getting to the point where I can no longer deny it.

If I want to keep my energy light and positive I have to make some changes, even if the changes are going to hurt me.

I am feeling more sexy due to the yoga but I wonder if I’m going to follow my same pattern whereby I get impatient and quit. I’ve done it every day, I still feel so weak but the routine I’m doing has become increasingly easier. I want to take my time and perfect my stances before I move on and I NEED to build core and upper body strength before I can do the more advanced poses.

N says I’m looking better. I weighed 132.2 this morning and one month ago I was 138.2 so…that’s good. I can’t ‘see’ a difference myself but I feel better and have been sleeping better.

JM thinks I’m hot and he tells me all the time that I shouldn’t stress about my body, says that for a 40 year old woman I have a great body and I should be proud of it.

He says he doesn’t understand why women act the way they do with so much shame about their bodies. I understand it but I don't think its something a man will ever understand.

I saw L today and he couldn’t keep his hands off of me.

I officially said no more messing around. I feel sad about it, real sad... but, I just don’t feel right about it any more. He says we will stay friends but somehow I doubt it as we’ve no ‘reason’ to cross each other’s paths. That is the problem with being secret lovers.

I'm tired of being someone's secret lover, just tired beyond belief of it.


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June 2010

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