Stopping to rest
Mar. 31st, 2010 04:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lilkellygWell we are taking a break in the hotel room until we go out later. N was really tired. We went to the air and space museum this morning, then we met S for lunch after which N and I walked around the natural history museum a bit.
N is a budding photographer, he took possession of the camera, though he'd never used one he got a bunch of good shots, better than my niece or nephew who are much older.
I can tell from a few of S's comments that he thinks I'm getting to fat and flabby.
My feeling about it is, fuck him... I may not be totally happy with myself but I don't need to feel judged by someone else nor do I find it motivating. I find someone who adores me like JM does MUCH more inspirational than someone who has some sort of idea that they're too good.
I want to be hotter for JM, for S I feel resentful.
This is not a good feeling. I am inclined to get in shape and be like I was with my exhusband..
"say something like, now you like me? Well now YOU can't touch this you judgmental shallow fuck"
But I'll keep my friendship with him. No one says we can't stay in touch, and I'll put it off on him when really the truth is, I just don't find it easy to find myself desirous of someone who has his mindset, I've expanded myself but...I'm reaching my limits.
Maybe all the judgment I feel against him is in my head...and maybe not. I guess only time or he will tell.
N is a budding photographer, he took possession of the camera, though he'd never used one he got a bunch of good shots, better than my niece or nephew who are much older.
I can tell from a few of S's comments that he thinks I'm getting to fat and flabby.
My feeling about it is, fuck him... I may not be totally happy with myself but I don't need to feel judged by someone else nor do I find it motivating. I find someone who adores me like JM does MUCH more inspirational than someone who has some sort of idea that they're too good.
I want to be hotter for JM, for S I feel resentful.
This is not a good feeling. I am inclined to get in shape and be like I was with my exhusband..
"say something like, now you like me? Well now YOU can't touch this you judgmental shallow fuck"
But I'll keep my friendship with him. No one says we can't stay in touch, and I'll put it off on him when really the truth is, I just don't find it easy to find myself desirous of someone who has his mindset, I've expanded myself but...I'm reaching my limits.
Maybe all the judgment I feel against him is in my head...and maybe not. I guess only time or he will tell.
