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lilkellygSo, we're in DC, it was a crazy long drive because we faced a LOT of weather and I was sick the whole time, I don't know if it was stress or what. So when I saw S I felt like I was stinky and nasty and I didn't even try to look for a spare moment of privacy to be intimate.
What the fuck is wrong with me?????
I'm SO freaking paranoid around S, I find it hard to believe that he's attracted to me considering he's such a fitness nut. I know my paranoia and shyness is ruining things but I can't seem to stop myself, I freeze.
I fear he's running out of patience.
He makes SO many comments about my racist parents, and has a much different attitude than JM. JM laughs that they're going to like me whether they want to or not and sure enough my father liked him when he met him.
So, I feel like such a failure when it comes to S, but he's 'so married' that sometimes I just don't know what he wants from me. His life is just as out of my league as mine is from him.
JM tells me to stop worrying about it, just think of S as my man and be happy.
Wow...he's SO freaking supportive of me, even though I get bitter sometimes, he does love me, sort like L does. I guess its easy to love me when you are madly in love and committed with someone else. So...if that is so..
I don't understand where all my insecurity with S comes from...I think its because I think he loves me in that 'agape' way and not in the way of a man passionate about a woman.
And I feel for him a well of tenderness, and I want to let the tenderness build into passion, but he's looking for my passion and he doesn't find my tenderness appealing perhaps.
Please God, let us find a way to connect soon. Here I am closer to him and I couldn't feel farther away...at least I'm afraid thats the way he feels about me.
What the fuck is wrong with me?????
I'm SO freaking paranoid around S, I find it hard to believe that he's attracted to me considering he's such a fitness nut. I know my paranoia and shyness is ruining things but I can't seem to stop myself, I freeze.
I fear he's running out of patience.
He makes SO many comments about my racist parents, and has a much different attitude than JM. JM laughs that they're going to like me whether they want to or not and sure enough my father liked him when he met him.
So, I feel like such a failure when it comes to S, but he's 'so married' that sometimes I just don't know what he wants from me. His life is just as out of my league as mine is from him.
JM tells me to stop worrying about it, just think of S as my man and be happy.
Wow...he's SO freaking supportive of me, even though I get bitter sometimes, he does love me, sort like L does. I guess its easy to love me when you are madly in love and committed with someone else. So...if that is so..
I don't understand where all my insecurity with S comes from...I think its because I think he loves me in that 'agape' way and not in the way of a man passionate about a woman.
And I feel for him a well of tenderness, and I want to let the tenderness build into passion, but he's looking for my passion and he doesn't find my tenderness appealing perhaps.
Please God, let us find a way to connect soon. Here I am closer to him and I couldn't feel farther away...at least I'm afraid thats the way he feels about me.
