Random

Yesterday I weighed 131 lbs. Today 133. I didn’t do my yoga yesterday. I feel like I looked so exhausted and drawn. I wrote S a cranky ass letter saying when I’m ‘thin’ enough for him I’m lacking fat pads in my face and I look like shit. This is true, this is why Hollywood chicks get their butt fat put in their faces, because its not natural for a middle aged woman to be rail thin, normally a little weight gain is par for the course, it has always been that way.

I had to dress in formal business attire yesterday for corporate as they were on location to photograph us for some bios. Apparently it was for management but somehow titleless me got involved. The point is, one of the gentleman who rarely talks to me told me I looked stunning. Stunning! Wow!

A asked me to go out with him and others for a drink. I froze as per my usual. What is wrong with me?

I had some very powerful dreams last night which gave me a window into the depth of my soul as to the amount of fear I have about commitment to ‘one other’