Miscellaneous random thoughts yet again
Apr. 27th, 2010 09:44 pmI have been managing to get some yoga in every day, today I did a full hour. I’ve promised myself only that I’ll do the sun salutation every morning along with some crunches. That’s it.
The truth is I AM in poor shape so S was right about that. Only, I don’t like his attitude and I’m not sure I can get beyond it. I DO recognize he has a right to feel the way he does and when I have some spare time I’ll sort through getting in touch with ‘his needs’ about the matter to see if I can gain some compassion.
I haven’t actually talked to him since we ‘disengaged’ suddenly. I did send a text as my form of an olive branch but they are in the process of moving so he is very busy and it is highly unlikely he even notices we haven’t talked.
I AM feeling the fringes of sad so I know that I will have to face the issue soon.
JM keeps insisting that I NEED to talk to S and tell him how I feel. It is just SO easy with a long distance relationship to let things slide, maybe that’s how they die, lack of real communication.
Speaking of which, I acquired a CD copy of ‘nonviolent communication’ and I’m finally on the ‘meat and potatoes’ part of it after a lot of ‘examples’ of how it has helped without getting into the substance, I’m highly hopeful I will learn a thing or two from it.
I feel somewhat nervous from not facing my deepest feelings.
I’m well beyond the stage of thinking things with S are perfect or that he is perfect, but I do love him and wish to have him in my life, and I KNOW if that is the case that I HAVE to be able to speak up. I can’t let thing simmer until I feel rage and outrageous feelings that could threaten to ruin the equilibrium of the relationships.
There are becoming more and more topics that he declares off the table such as work, so if I do the same who knows what we will be left with.
He doesn’t want me to talk about work because he doesn’t approve of me working for the man and well..
Work is, too consuming. I have increasing responsibility with no pay and no title and no reward but with the sure knowledge that I can say I’ve been an integral part of making the department work and have genuinely taken on a leadership role.
So I see it as skill building S sees it as wasting my time. JM tells me he will continue to work to get me recognized but we’re fighting the perception that he is singing my praises because I’m his friend so unless I show my skills to others outside the department (which I’m doing) the perception will be hard to allay.
I figure that until I come up with a way to make my own living outside of a ‘work life’ I’m gonna hone my skills the best I can.
In general I’m trying to embrace gratitude in an attempt to eradicate my discontent that has been plaguing me for FAR too long.
Discontent that comes from..
I wish…
Well God knows what I wish for…I’m done with uttering the words, either it’ll happen or it wont.
The truth is I AM in poor shape so S was right about that. Only, I don’t like his attitude and I’m not sure I can get beyond it. I DO recognize he has a right to feel the way he does and when I have some spare time I’ll sort through getting in touch with ‘his needs’ about the matter to see if I can gain some compassion.
I haven’t actually talked to him since we ‘disengaged’ suddenly. I did send a text as my form of an olive branch but they are in the process of moving so he is very busy and it is highly unlikely he even notices we haven’t talked.
I AM feeling the fringes of sad so I know that I will have to face the issue soon.
JM keeps insisting that I NEED to talk to S and tell him how I feel. It is just SO easy with a long distance relationship to let things slide, maybe that’s how they die, lack of real communication.
Speaking of which, I acquired a CD copy of ‘nonviolent communication’ and I’m finally on the ‘meat and potatoes’ part of it after a lot of ‘examples’ of how it has helped without getting into the substance, I’m highly hopeful I will learn a thing or two from it.
I feel somewhat nervous from not facing my deepest feelings.
I’m well beyond the stage of thinking things with S are perfect or that he is perfect, but I do love him and wish to have him in my life, and I KNOW if that is the case that I HAVE to be able to speak up. I can’t let thing simmer until I feel rage and outrageous feelings that could threaten to ruin the equilibrium of the relationships.
There are becoming more and more topics that he declares off the table such as work, so if I do the same who knows what we will be left with.
He doesn’t want me to talk about work because he doesn’t approve of me working for the man and well..
Work is, too consuming. I have increasing responsibility with no pay and no title and no reward but with the sure knowledge that I can say I’ve been an integral part of making the department work and have genuinely taken on a leadership role.
So I see it as skill building S sees it as wasting my time. JM tells me he will continue to work to get me recognized but we’re fighting the perception that he is singing my praises because I’m his friend so unless I show my skills to others outside the department (which I’m doing) the perception will be hard to allay.
I figure that until I come up with a way to make my own living outside of a ‘work life’ I’m gonna hone my skills the best I can.
In general I’m trying to embrace gratitude in an attempt to eradicate my discontent that has been plaguing me for FAR too long.
Discontent that comes from..
I wish…
Well God knows what I wish for…I’m done with uttering the words, either it’ll happen or it wont.