lilkellyg: (Default)
My former co-worker called me yesterday to say she’d dreamt that I got a ‘dream job’. I joked with her that I hope she’s psychic. Maybe this job my friend is offering me is a ‘dream job’, maybe its not, I will try to stay very level until the offer is on the table and my vision is clear. All I DO know is I am I’m feeling more open to what the universe has to offer me. My current position has its stresses and there is little room for me to grow but it has its advantages, its stability and it is certainly not boring, I fear boredom.

Still I need to conceive of possibility.

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So I played hooky yesterday, meaning I left work after an hour and a half. I ended up meeting up with JM and we sat around and then ate lunch. I told him we needed to stop fucking and he laughed and said there is no way I’m going to be able to resist it and he isn’t going to even sweat it cause he knows we’re going to fuck again.

He also told me that he wouldn’t want to date me because he wouldn’t want to deal with the drama such would cause my parents.

He’s so handsome I just like looking at him, hell I love looking at him it makes me happy, his face, his cheeks, the breath moving through his body. He told me yesterday that he finds it odd that he doesn't think of me as a white woman, doesn't think of me as anyone but someone he loves to be with. I must confess, physically, I MUCH more attracted to him than any other man I've ever been with. I will never tell him that because its 'too much pressure'. But yeah, I yearn to touch him, to be free to touch him with all my heart.

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A strange thing happened last night, well not strange, just the stuff of ‘normal’ life? I went to see S, we went up to his hotel room, reacquainted and fell into making love, the details of which I won’t go into, but I felt the slight sense that he was not entirely there with me. He got up to wash up, went over to roll a smoke and while doing that he phoned LW.

Then they had words, or more like, he was confronting her about something ardently and I remembered at that point that when I had driven up he had been arguing with her then and so he greeted me kind of with a bark because he was distracted with wrapping up with her.

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lilkellyg

June 2010

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