Mar. 20th, 2010

lilkellyg: (Default)
I feel bad because I just had an inane argument with JM. I'm going to let it go but he does have a way of pushing my buttons.

He told me this morning that he has sorted things out with Di, and she is remorseful of the way she behaved and agrees I am owed an apology.

I don't know how I feel about it, I guess I'll tuck it away and not worry about it.

Relaxing

Mar. 20th, 2010 04:49 pm
lilkellyg: (Default)
Ah, my mind is swimming with useless stuff.

My son and I finally went on a beautiful mountain hike, I really needed it but God I'm in lousy shape! I think I will have to break down and try the thyroid medicine because I feel so washed out far too often.

I have to stop giving JM such a hard time about work because both he and I are putting in a gargantuan effort and I know that if I keep doing so I could earn myself a title and raise. The fact is people often come in and direct their communications towards me over him, asking my opinion etc. I think its because I have better communication skills and I can translate later to him whatever they were saying. Everyone calls us 'the married couple' for that reason.

I can see why Di is jealous. God, I wish she hadn't gotten that way, I wish I could go back and put things the way they were.

I told him today that I didn't know if I wanted to sleep with them tonight and he said, 'why you fighting it?... you know you're gonna get fucked!' He's likely right they'll attack me and I'm so turned on by him and such a submissive that I'll slip right into things.

But I'm feeling sexual towards her though, and that's a problem, I am not very bisexual and the tenderness between us was destroyed by the way she behaved. I can't sleep with someone I don't like. But, I want him and so I'm tempted. God how horrible is that?

S's friend died, I'm worried about him, I feel bad that we haven't had a good quality lovemaking period of time together in far too long.

He told me the other day that they are thinking of moving to Vermont, which is better than on the other side of the country, accessible by car. I can't get too excited because they keep changing their plans and I've learned not to let that drama fret me.

Gosh...how weird my life is, and how lovely it would be if only it was a little more open...

Just a little more.

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